Untitled because I am not sure what to call it

Recently a survey done by Blue Star families indicated that something like 94% of military families feel like the rest of America is out of touch with the sacrifices military families make everyday. Given my interactions with people generally, I feel this is pretty accurate.
However, I try very hard to insulate myself from this by trying to pretend my life is normal, even though it isn't. Don't get me wrong. I consider myself far more removed from the difficulties of military family life than most military spouses, because I have my own career; I don't live on the base, near the base or deal with military issues most of the time. Most days my first concern is spending some phone time with my hubby, and then everything else is work, school, and doing normal life things like paying bills and the like.
But because I chose to go to school and get a PhD in a non-portable career, I have also had to make some different sacrifices. I don't get to see my hubby even though he is on shore-duty right now and that hurts. I console myself by reminding myself that I saw him about as much as I do now when he was on sea-duty in engineering and had duty like every 3 days on top of it. I feel that some people assume I don't love my spouse because I have chosen to make these sacrifices. This is patently untrue.
A little over a year ago I thought my husband was going to be in Afghanistan for a year. I was living in a crappy little town in TX where there were no jobs and I couldn't imagine what I would do there for a year. We talked about it and made the decision that I should start my PhD, because he would be going back to sea when he got back from Afghanistan and since he had spent 1 tour officially in engineering and another tour partially in engineering it was likely that they would make him a Cheng (Chief Engineer) for his department head tours. After his last tour in engineering where he missed every holiday because of shit going wrong in the yards and he rarely was home for longer than to sleep, it seemed pointless for me to hang out so that we might occasionally see each other. We would be better off it seemed to spend that time advancing my education and then be able to give him a break when he was done.
Plans changed. The past year was a mess for a variety of reasons and so he was stateside and probably will be for the next year until he goes to department head school. There was no way I could have predicted that. And yes, over the past year I have questioned my decision, but after my visit to TX this past week I realize it was the right one for us at the time, even if things have worked out other than as planned.
I don't expect people to understand any of these decisions or the effects they have on my feelings or my relationships. That would be unfair. Is it too much to ask that people leave it alone if they don't understand? I know it is wonderful to be in love. I am very happy for this person, but every time she complains about being separated for a few hours or even a few days and acts like I couldn't possibly understand it hurts. I get the deep and abiding impression that she thinks that I love my husband less because of the choices that have set us on our current path than she loves her boyfriend, which is silly and hurtful. Today she was complaining about not being able to live with him and I said that Senior Jefe and I didn't really live together before we got married and she responded by saying, "Yeah, well you don't live together now either."
No. I don't. And everyday when I get out of bed, every time I come home to an empty house, every time I have to hang up the phone, every time I have to watch the distance between us grow greater when he or I has to leave, it hurts. It hurts like nothing you can possibly imagine, because I do love him. I love him more than anything in this world....more than sunshine, more than air.
But sometimes life isn't a fairy tale. Sometimes you end up loving someone who doesn't have a convenient job that keeps you together all the time. Sometimes you fall for someone who has committed themselves to a higher purpose and you either love them for who they are and work with the situation, even if it means conducting a relationship over phone and email. What I am doing is somewhat unusual for a military spouse in the 21st century, but if this were Civil War times, I would be considered sincerely blessed because 1) I know my spouse is safe, 2) I can see him occasionally, and 3) I get to speak with him everyday. I don't think those women loved their spouses any less for the separation. I am very tired of having my feelings poo-pooed because we don't have the opportunity to co-habitate right now.
One day we will have the house, the dog, the yard, the two-three kids, and get to see each other everyday, just like everybody else. That day is not today. But you know what, we have made it for 5 yrs through things most couples would split over...lost jobs (me) and income, deployment, long hours at work, serious illnesses and disabilities, surgeries, moves after moves and the associated starting over and over. And through it we have found that the strength of our underlying friendship is what keeps us going when we aren't together. And I have no doubt that we will be together when we are 90, if we live that long. I understand after being married for 5 yrs that different people need different things out of their relationships. I think some people need to see someone everyday to feel comfortable in a relationship. I want that, but after 5 yrs of not being able to get it due to the Navy, I have learned that I can enjoy and soak up every minute when I am with him and then when we are apart, I can get through it and be okay.
And actually that was the most important thing I learned from this last visit to TX. For the past year I have beaten myself up for not being right there every minute as Senior Jefe has been through this mountain of bullshit, but when I saw him he was different after all of it. He was stronger and more confident than he ever has been. The last year may have been hell for both of us, but I wonder if I had been there to fight his battles and hold his hand constantly if he would have gained those things which ultimately make him even more sexy to me. What I do know is that I love the new Senior Jefe and his new confidence. I loved the old one too, but he seems happier now that he has stood up for himself and lived to tell the tale. I have walked away from this year with pretty bruised confidence, which scares me, but part of me believes I needed to come here and do this PhD and play through the pain for myself both intellectually and personally to become a stronger person too. I think I needed to know that he would stick by me even if I went after my own dreams, because no one else ever has. Having his support and having him make the sacrifices he has over the past year to give me some of the comforts that have helped me stay in the game, having him be the only one in my family who cheered in my corner when I got up from my failure and decided to stay in the game has only strengthened our relationship.
And all in all, it has been a good 5 yrs, hard, but good. I know people don't see it. I don't ask them to understand, but I do wish that they would at least be compassionate and realize that just because we have a different relationship, doesn't mean we love each other any less. We are just doing what we have to do. And I really would give almost anything for a normal boring life like everyone else, but Senior Jefe and the Navy came as a package deal and so things were never going to be normal and boring like everyone else.